Memories That Bind. And Gag.

They say familiarity breeds contempt. But mine is a curious case. Familiarity bred no contempt, because time robbed the familiarity. If I say familiarity is knowing what you eat, what you wear, what you do and what you think. But my definition surely lacks substance. I m sure it should be much more than that.

But looking at yesterday, I would still say you were familiar. Even though I don’t understand what it completely means. I thought you were with me when I laughed, when I cried, when I read, and hell, when I slept. You knew the passage I loved, you knew the soap I used, and you even knew the last movie I watched on my laptop. I used to be worried sick when you were not well, I always knew the joke that would make you laugh and I could tell in my sleep when you had to go to the tailor to collect your dress. If this is not familiarity, I don’t know what is.

Time hurts as much as it heals. Especially when I have too much of it and you too little of it. It makes me wonder who would want to listen to those stories I used to bore you with. Of course, wondering has produced no results so far. But I know you are caught up in no such web of trivial needs. You adapt and you adapt fast. And I try something neutral between admiration and resentment, but settle closer towards the latter. It is not your fault that you have a new pair of ears to fill in and it is definitely not your fault that we are looking at different things: you at the future and I at the past. The divergence is strangely unable to obliterate the memories I cling to. The ones I know I should not. But if you offer to erase them for me, I would politely decline. For I know they would be the only reminders of you, in the next many days to come… As Adichie says, “Heart is where home was”, and home is where familiarity is.

(Image Courtsey: http://fineartamerica.com/featured/the-loneliness-of-abuse-leisa-collins.html)

Bogged by Boredom

I have been questioned a lot about what my orkut title means:

'CONSUMED BY ENNUI'

Consumed is defined as 'To destroy totally; Ravage' by dictionary.com
Ennui is defined as ''Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from excessive boredom' by the same source.

Listless is the word to describe me right now! Bull's eye !!!

Saw Taare Zameen par today and as is the general case with me, wondered if I have some kind of disorder which prevents me from proper planning and execution of things.
I mean, if planning can be so tough for somebody, need the execution be brought into the picture?

Clueless about what I am doing ! Got a call for SCMHRD and the inteview is on 31st Jan. Normally, I spend 2 hours with the newspaper everyday, reading all the editorials, letters to the editor, sports column, business updates.. You name it and I read it.But from the day the call came, I have been running away from the newspaper.. Have not read a single page completely !!

To top it, I have not attended 4/7 lectures TIME has planned for the SCMHRD call getters!What the heck is going on with me? Weird is the word to describe me..

And then work! God ! I groan at the very mention of the word.. When I thought it could not get any more monotonous, it proved me wrong and has pushed me into an unimaginable rut. I postpone going to the office till 1 pm everyday.Without having anything to do at home either.. The false sense of importance the organisation tries to induct makes me weary. The novelty and the sense of security you feel once you realise that you are learning, wears off once you realise that the path from there is obscure..

If any of these sound to you as the ravings of a depressed soul, visit some of my earlier posts !! You would know how I sound when I m actually depressed. This is some crazy mood. I want to be alone the whole day..n probably not do anything at all.
Without anyone to disturb me . In fact,there are very few people from whom I have been taking calls too.. Small talk with people is tiring me. Just in touch with some real close people from around a month. Not trying to undermine anyone's importance in my life. It s just that I don't want to upset anyone with my absolute lack of interest in the conversation.

The only two songs I enjoy these days are:
1. Tere bina from Guru
2. Lemontree from Fool's Garden

Do they give you some kind of insight? (After all,Bush's collection in his ipod led to all kind of pyscho analysis on what kind of a person he was! :P )

Watching NDTV Indians of the Year on NDTV side by side. Wonder how people like Rahman and Viswanathan Anand have managed to do the same thing for so many years with so much of perfection, improvisation and passion!! Or do they have personal pyschiatrists :P??