To Be or Not to Be

"It was raining outside. There was not much for him to do. He was tired of reminiscing now. He wondered if he should go back to sleep. The nagging headache too was bothering him. Probably a visit to the doctor was imminent. He must tell his parents about it. Coming to think of it, he realized that he had not spoken to them for nearly a week. In fact he had not even been busy. They had not called him and he did not have anything important enough to call them up and tell. He was worried that it was fast becoming yet another thing he was getting used to.

Distant thunder brought him back to reality. He vowed to himself that he would find time somehow this month to make a visit home. He needed some space to clear his head. Wasteful thoughts had been practically clobbering him down. The glorified education was filling him with murderous rage. The futility of the learning, the philosophy behind the course, the vainness of the whole exercise mocked at him as they had been doing for a long time now. He did not want to know how to multiply money. He wanted to know how to create money. For those who did not have it. Reinvestment of the investment felt disgusting. It did not have the nice ring to as one meal-a-day to two meals-a-day. Rice with water to rice with dal was what he wanted to know about. But nobody near him knew about it. The course refused to talk about it. He wanted to kill himself for letting IRMA pass by when it came knocking.

He did not want to be a huge failure of an MBA earning peanuts when his class mates would be running corporations. He did not want to remain wistful seeing people LIVE life. But he did not want to work towards creating wealth for those who probably did not need it. Need it as in NEED and not WANT. He was torn between the niceties of life which come at a price on one side and the happiness which comes from obeying one's inner command on the other side. He did not want to travel the road not taken. But he knew he would have to return back to it sooner than later. What he would miss lest he treads the conventional path was clear to him but the question of whether he would miss them enough to give up the life he had dreamt of while growing up taunted and tossed him. He was troubled by his own double standards. He wanted to be rich but he did not want to do what pays money. He wanted to live in Mumbai but wanted to work for uplifting the villagers. He wanted to travel the world in a cruise yet wanted to make sure no kid goes to the bed hungry. If wishes were horses, he would have owned a million stables by then."

What I personally feel is that he is making the situation too complex for himself. He has a lot of time on his hand. All he needs to do is soul-search and come up with wishes which do not contradict each other. He just needs to steel himself and make the single major decision of his life: to be or not to be. If he decides not to be, he needs to have the maturity not to be guilty or attach any moral strings to it. If he decides to be, then it is important to stick to it and work smartly towards the cause, come what may.

To be or not to be??